love |ləv|: God is LOVE

first |fərst|: Coming before all others in time or order

light |līt|: The natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible

"God,

coming before all others in time and order,

the natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible."

Finding a blog title that isn't already taken is nearly impossible these days. In trying to come up with a name for my new blog, all my "creative" and "unique" ideas were already taken (I guess I'm not that creative and unique after all). So I began to think of names that could use a play on my name.  In researching synonyms, I came up with "first light".  Since God is LOVE and I am HIS, I thought "Love's First Light". GOD'S Dawn.  

I liked this because though I have always been myself, though I have made a commitment to be the best me I can be, I had not yet begun to discover who I really was until I went searching for who I am in HIM. Through this journey, as I'm moving away from who I say I am and who the world says I am, I'm free to discover who God says I am. I am HIS Dawn.

Beyond that I thought it made sense since God is really the only one who can shed any real, true light on the experiences, situations and circumstances of our lives and the world at large. He alone sees the whole picture and in seeking His heart in everything we do, see, feel, say...we, ourselves, are illuminated.

That was my thought process in naming the title, but when I broke down the definition of each of these words separately (those of you who know me well, know my affection for words and their definitions!) the way they read together and what it spelled out is absolutely AWESOME! It completely takes ME out of it, and boils it down to the bare bones truth of what I believe and who I'm living for. The only thing I'd add is one extra word...

"God,

coming before all others in time and order,

the SUPERnatural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible."

This is my journey to the ends of the earth to be awakened to the LIGHT that is His LOVE.  

This is my journey away from me and closer to God.

WHO I AM & WHAT I'M DOING

My name is Dawn and I'm 33 years old.  In April of 2010 I joined an organization called PhotogenX, a ministry of Youth With A Mission (YWAM) to embark on a 2-year journey around the world.  Our intention is to use our cameras to expose global social injustice that is being overlooked or underexposed.  Digital media, in these days, is the most powerful source of information and awakening to the realities of the world.  We want, in some small way, to be a voice for the voiceless and fight on behalf of those whose voices simply are not louder than the clamor of this world.  Our journey is not just for them, or for us, but first and foremost for the glory of the Lord.  When Jesus left this earth, He did not request of us, but comanded that we love one another.  Take care of the widowed and the poor.   Give of the blessings we have been given.  Let our love for God and for others be bigger than our love for ourselves.  The list goes on and on .. but it's all saying the same ONE thing.  LOVE. Unselfishly, unabashedly and BOLDLY.

The first 3 months of this journey were spent digging deep into the character and nature of God.  I set out to grow in my knowledge, understanding and reality of who God is and who I am IN Him.  I am still discovering the depths of the answer to that question... I believe I will always be discovering more and more of who I am in Him as I continue to discover who He is in me.   Those 3 months were a rich time of hearing from God and being broken down completely so that He could build me back up how He wanted.  It meant dismissing the lies this world has told me, the lies I have accepted and the realities I'd created.  It meant learning the answer to the question, "WHO AM I to God?"  And it meant not only learning the answer to that question, but accepting it as TRUTH.  It meant shaking off all the identities the world has placed upon me, that I've placed on myself, and becoming again what I was in the beginning, HIS.

I spent the next 3 months in various places in India working with orphans, lepers, widows sex trafficked women and prostitutes.  It was a very special and unique time that I will never forget.

Following this I had a break over the holidays and was able to go home, reconnect with family, friends and sponsors, share stories, photos and raise continued support for the remaining 18 months of this journey.

In January 2011, I headed back out into the world to meet up again with my team.  We began in Brazil, where we stayed for 3 months.  We dove into sharpening our photography skills while we were there and were able to serve in orphanages, favelas and assist in Disaster Relief Ministry for the catastrophic floods of Rio de Janeiro that took place in January, while we were there.

From there, we moved to South Africa, where we stayed for 6 weeks.  We participated with a ministry there called 10 Thousand Homes, which builds relationship, community and homes for the orphaned children in South Africa as well as conducting twice weekly feeding programs.  Home to the most HIV/AIDS orphans in the world, South Africa has over 70,000 child-headed homes.  This means no one living in the home is over 18 years of age.  Adults are dying.  Children are raising children.  Orphans are raising orphans and they need help.  Our time was incredibly rewarding and the culture and people of South Africa are beautiful.

Next we went to Swaziland, also a country experiencing an HIV/AIDS crisis.  With an infection rate of 26.3%, (1 in 4) Swaziland has the highest infection rate in the world. Another beautiful country with precious little ones left to fend for themselves as disease robs them of their parents.  We served a couple named Petros & Elizabeth, who have recently created an organization called ROAD to HOPE, which serves as an orphanage/adoption house for these children.  It is small as of now, a grassroots project, but Petros & Elizabeth are fully dedicated to the 13 children they are caring for and it was incredible to be able to come alongside them and help them in the small ways we could.  We were able to provide them with 15 handmade blankets that we helped create. Meeting that family has been one of the most rewarding parts of this experience to date.

We next moved on to Egypt.  We were taking a break from focused service time and instead we will be spending the next 3 months traveling throughout the Middle East, digging deep into the Bible with an on location Bible study.  We will explore the lands where much of the Bible was written and where many Biblical and historical events took place. We read through Genesis and Exodus while in Egypt and were able to experience the deserts where the Israelities were held as slaves and then delivered from.  We had our own little mini exodus when we left Egypt by hiking to the top of Mt. Sinai (where Moses met with God and received the 10 Commandments) followed by walking across the desert to cross through the Egypt/Israeli border.

Welcome to Israel.  The border crossing is literally ON the Red Sea and if you're coming from Egypt, you have to walk across it.  The Red Sea, mentioned so much throughout scripture, was incredible to lay eyes on and imagine everything that has taken place in and around it!  It has gorgeous, clear, sparkly turquoise water with beautiful tropical fish in it.  A true vision of God's perfect creation.  


We are spending 3 weeks in Jerusalem, Israel and 3.5 weeks in Bethlehem, in Palestine's West Bank and will also be traveling to Jericho and Galilee and spending time in prayer on top of the Mount of Olives!  From there, we head to Greece and Italy where we will explore the lands of the New Testament.  During these 3 months, we will read the Bible cover to cover and dig deep into the Word and experience the Bible come to life in the land it came from!

AND SO IT BEGINS...

I arrived safely in Sao Paulo, Brazil on Jan 6, 2011 with two of my teammates, Hilary and Marisa. We were met at the airport by a guy named Rodrigo, who has quickly become part of the family here. He is not with YWAM, but works very closely with this base and is very helpful and excited to participate in our ministry time here as well as simply giving us the lay of the land and showing us around.

Our first week has been much about team building and drawing focus and vision for this year ahead. We each prayed about what God’s plans are for us as individuals on this journey, as a group and also what God’s heart and vision are for our final project/publication. It was really encouraging and exciting to hear what everyone felt the Lord speaking to them personally and for our group.

As a group of 7, after praying about it, we each felt very strongly called to one particular ministry realm. To my surprise, I felt the Lord saying HOMELESSNESS. I really feel like God is aching for the homeless that line the streets of just about any city anywhere in the world. There is a human, a heart, a soul and a life lived underneath each face of homelessness that we too often write off as dregs or drug addicts. I really feel called to expose the stories of homeless people around the world and communicate our common humanity as opposed to our polarity.

The two other issues the group feels led to focus on during this year are children (street children & orphans) and sex trafficking. Each of these three topics relate and intertwine in the areas of beauty, value and worth. We are all so excited to see how we are able to impact people, learn and grow as we travel the globe seeking to see social injustice overcome with both local compassion and global action.

While we are here in Brazil (until the end of March) we will be involved in training to improve our photography technique and photojournalistic skills so that we can capture the images that help tell the stories and put faces to issues as we move forward on this mission.

I am so grateful to all my supporters, both in finance, prayer and simple words of encouragement for coming together for one cause and getting me here so that I can fight on the behalf of others. That I can grow in my gifts and in my spiritual walk. That I can become someone armed with a global perspective of injustice, such that my voice can become a voice for the silenced. That together we can spread the love of Jesus to a dark and hurting world. That we can use our lives, our time, our resources and our passions to create a better world for our future generations.

Thank you, from me, from every life we touch together, from all the children who are walking into the world we leave them and to all those who will follow after them. Thank you.

A LETTER TO MY SPONSORS

Hello!  I am writing to let you know about my upcoming plans in the mission field and how you can join with me!  As you may know, the Lord has placed it on my heart to continue serving with PhotogenX (the ministry of Youth With A Mission that I served with these last 6 months) for another 19-month program beginning in just one month!

On January 5^th, 2011, I will be leaving the US for 12 consecutive months and traveling to each of the 6 inhabitable continents to engage with the community, serve in outreach projects and fight against social injustice relevant to each region of the world.  Months 13-18 will consist of a massive debrief time wherein our team will compile all of our experiences, stories, service, photos, interviews and data. As a team we will create a professional publication about the issue(s) of social injustice we feel need to be brought into the global spotlight. The last month of this mission will be spent in various parts of the world doing speaking engagements to increase awareness, incite action and raise funds to fight these issues through the sale and distribution of our publication.

This mission is a combination of training, outreach and activism.  We are engaging with countries on every continent with the express purposes of gaining a Godly global perspective of the people and cultures of the world; to experience firsthand the issues facing the poor, needy and oppressed worldwide; to grow in Biblical truth, knowledge and understanding; to serve the people everywhere we go; to generate relationships and share the Lord with people around the world; to understand God’s heart toward injustice and His desire to see it end; to create a publication used to increase awareness; and to raise our voices to fight on behalf of the abused, overlooked and neglected.

As time is drawing near, I ask that you would please pray about whether you feel called to partner with me in this outreach.  The Lord has been so faithful to provide for this mission thus far! My current financial need for this mission is down to approximately $6,000 which covers my airfare, food, lodging, ground transportation, insurances, outreach tools, training and the production of our publication.   All donations can be directed to Venture Christian Church and are tax-deductible (donation information below).

Ultimately, I want you to know how blessed I feel to have you in my life.  I know financial support is sometimes not possible or not the call of your heart, and that is okay.  Though finances are necessary to get me there and do this work, I could never go and serve in this way without all the incredible encouragement and prayer you’ve given me. It is such an incredible blessing that I cannot explain.  Thank you in advance for any way you are able to partner with me in this endeavor to bring hope, love and light to the lost and forgotten of this world.

With Immense Gratitude, 

LETTER OF LOVE

This is a letter I received yesterday from one of my incredible high school girls from the youth group I work with back home. I have known her for the last 3 years and have always just had a huge spot in my heart for her difficult journey through life. This was such an encouraging letter to receive! I love you girl!!


I can't even begin to thank you enough for what you've done for me. From the moment our paths crossed you've been a continuous blessing in my life. Thank you for loving me and caring about me enough to not give up on me and walk away...even when I was so undeserving. Thank you for always being there to talk me through things, calm me down, and sometimes just to listen to me talk. Thank you for calling me out on things that I need to be called out on! You have always been gentle with me (much appreciated btw), even when I'm sure you would have rather shook me and told me to get it together. (= I honestly do not know what my life would be like, or if I would even be here if it were not for you. And I know that sounds sort of dramatic, but it's true. Before you, I had never met anyone who seemed to understand me, or even take the time to try and understand me like you have. You have somehow managed to get through to me and teach me things that no one else has been able to. You have taught me what it means to let go, to forgive, and to move on. You have taught me that sometimes it's okay to just be. It doesn't always have to be okay, I don't always have to be okay. It's okay to just let myself feel. Through watching you, I have learned how to better love God, love people, love myself, and how to let myself be loved. I think one of the greatest things you have taught me is that I am okay just being me. I no longer feel as if I have to pretend, or put on a front in order to feel good enough for someone else. Thank you for never losing faith in me and always reassuring me that I am worthy. Finally (well not really, but I guess I have to stop writing sometime), Thank you for letting me into your world, and for making mine so much better.

I love you.

HAKANI

I urge you to listen to the podcast of Susi Childers, my leader and mentor here, as she describes a journey in her life that has led to transformation not only herself, but in the lives of many individuals, an ancient tribe and nation as a whole. It is the story of a girl who survived the practice of infanticide (killing children) in indigenous tribes in the Amazon. They believe that if a child is born to a single mother, as a twin or triplet or with a physical or mental handicap that the child has no soul and has an evil spirit dwelling within. They believe that when the child dies and lets out the last breath, the evil spirit exits the body with that breath and will inhabit another person. Therefore, tribal customs involve not only killing the child, but burying it alive. This is so that the last breath is exhaled under the earth and the evil spirit released remains trapped under the earth and cannot transfer into another body. The story of Hakani is one of death, life, courage and determination. Hakani means "smile" and it's the perfect name for this child. I cannot do the story justice, please take the time to listen for yourself. Click the link and then chose the hour long podcast released 4/16 (Hearing and Obeying God's Voice, Part 5) entitled Susi Childers shares her experience in the Amazon.

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/hearing-obeying-gods-voice/id367085080?i=82397393

It's an hour long, but it's so worth the time. It's a continuation from the previous day's talk, which unfortunately didn't get recorded, so if some of it doesn't make sense just bear with it. The first 9 or so minutes are more of a recap from the previous day so you can fast forward through those if you want. Once in a while, someone in the class talks and since they don't have the microphone, it may sound silent for a bit, but hang in there. Also, Susi has a German accent, so you may not understand a word or two, but you'll get the idea. Oh, and her husband's name is Paul, so when she is referring to Paul, she's talking about him, not the Paul of the Bible!

She is incredible. Inspirational. So full of trust and faith in the Lord. A mover. A responder. Someone who obeys when God asks. She's incredible. Hakani's story is incredible. What one person can do with a little courage is incredible. GOD is incredible.

You can learn more and watch the movie through the link below. I encourage you to please listen to the podcast first though. Throw it on when you're in the car, on the treadmill, or just sitting in the living room. It would mean a lot to me for you to hear and know the woman who is guiding me through this time, a bit about her experiences and the ways that photography DOES impact the world to heal and repair God's people.

http://www.photogenx.net/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=118

Hakani and her adoptive parents are in Kona this year, staying at the YWAM base. They were invited to come and be part of YWAM's 50th Anniversary celebrations happening later this year. A group of us happened to run into Hakani and her parents when we were downtown, the same day we listened to Susi's story. It was amazing. She was smiling, hula dancing and having a great time. She showed us pictures of her tribe and relatives. We asked her adoptive mother if they have taken her back to visit the tribe and she told us that they had done so once, and Hakani stopped speaking for 3 months following. They felt the trauma was just too intense, so they have said if she chooses to go back and visit when she grows up, she can. She is remarkable. I really hope you listen to the podcast.

Here are a few pictures from our meeting with Hakani:

CHAPTER 3 - TESTIMONY

Today and tonight we spent most of our group time getting to know one another. We each stood in front of the group and introduced ourselves, told either what our journey has been so far to bring us to this place, or what we hope to leave behind, as well as gain by moving through this process. As I debated what to say, how much to share & how to say it, I decided to be vague rather than specific in explaining my journey thus far.

For a while now I have realized that I've wrapped much of my identity around the sexual violence I experienced as a teenager. I have never considered myself a victim, but I have always considered it the single most defining moment in my life. It changed me. It broke me. It shattered all reality that I held sacred and dear. It took my innocence and love and turned it into shame and despair. I have always included it in the story of my life, which is okay, because it's a part of who I am. A major part. But as I realized tonight, I'd always made it the main part. The defining part.

Tonight, what I am leaving behind is the mentality that the sexual assault I experienced was the greatest defining moment of who I am and where I've been. Tonight, I commit that this experience, here and now, learning to know the love and freedom of Jesus in heart, not only my head, IS the SINGLE most defining moment and greatest life altering experience I can ever or will ever have. Everything, including that violence in my life has been leading me here. It has been shaping me and molding me into exactly who I need to be to do the work set out before me.

Though it broke me, I have been rebuilt. For a long time I thought I had done the repairing myself. I was arrogant to think that. There is no way someone can come out of the darkness I was in without the brightest light in the universe calling them forth. I worked incredibly hard, don’t get me wrong, but the healing and repair that has come into my life in the last 10 years was not man made. It was divine. And now, I'm here and I'm ready to be broken again and rebuilt with His best plans laid out before me.

I used to say my life has been divided into two parts. Before and After. I actually wrote a piece with that title. And now I sit here and think, it's funny, the timing. I spent the first 16 years of my life in joy, love and hope. I spent the next 16 years of my life in despair, anguish and disgust that over time morphed into acceptance, healing and renewal. And now, after the first 16 years (chapter 1) and the second 16 (chapter 2), I find myself facing the GREATEST journey of my life. My journey back to the Lord. My discovery of Him as He is. My head knowledge becoming heart knowledge. My opening up and giving up my life to Him so that His plans and purpose can be carried out through me.

I like Chapter 3. The chapter in which I chose to walk with God for the rest of my life. The third and final chapter. The chapter where it all really begins.

This is the piece I wrote a few years ago that I was referring to in my previous post. It was written on 2.25.07, just over 3 years ago. At the time, I titled it BEFORE & AFTER. Though now I view it as Chapters 1 & 2. Still to come... Chapter 3, Chapter free.

I AM:

honest 99% of the time

not impressed by ego or bravado

happier than I’ve ever been

single by *choice*

complex

...searching...

healing

hard on myself

disheartened by the state of the world

crestfallen by cruelty of any manner or degree

disappointed by a significant portion of society

endlessly encouraged by the rest

loving to a fault

the feeder that often goes hungry

full of creativity and compelled to manifest it

thankful to have survived my past

I WANT:

people to be less vain, and more honest

a utopian society

to find personal success

to live my dreams

to break free of the boundaries I feel harness me

to travel the world

to stop fearing letting others down, namely my parents.

to find a love, lover, companion, friend & ally.

to be understood

my generosity to be met, just 50% of the time.

to form a deeper connection to my spiritual self

to listen more and talk less

I DREAM:

of a nourished, sheltered, educated & peaceful world

of mothering a child

** BIG **

of people rising up to their true potential, myself included

of achieving something on my "I WANT” list

of money losing it’s value and humans having to reassess

*vividly*

of the end of religious war

of continuing to become a better version of myself

of what's to come. . .

I HAVE:

traveled a very rocky road.

punished myself a lifetime’s worth

become someone I'm extremely proud of

been unbelievably blessed

loved, lost, longed, learned, and loved again.

arrived, left and managed to stay very still

written a lot of poetry

chosen optimism as a way of life

lived a life divided into two distinct parts:

Before & After

Survived

Evolved

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Become ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~